Poem of Lust

A Threshold To Let Go
(Written November 2012)

I freguently check my texts and emails in the hopes that he'll come back 

I've destroyed something precious, now he's gone, so I must face that fact

Catastrophic impulses certainly were not my natural intention

  

Hence the dynamics of foolish arrogance, I have shattered our ever so joyous connection

Why should he feel anything more than disgust for me now?

  

For my actions were far worse than the stumbles of an arrogant drunken clown

How my heart aches to affirm that the negligent behaviors portrayed are not customarily that of mine

Grievously, I am aware of the delusive desire to turn back the hands of time

So agonizing, survives the puncture that I have brought into my own existence

The vision of his heavenly" all " painfully compels the banishment of his beautiful essence

Acceptance, destined to be the only healer of my wounded components

Amidst, the tormenting embrace of these ever so heartbreaking moments

Poem of Grief

The Poisonous Heart

The Poisonous Heart
(Written Feb 2009) 

Why does my life have to be such a
miserable mess??

I go through desperate measures just to feel the slightest embrace of happiness.

I sometimes wonder if it will ever be,

the day that someone could genuinely love, need, and ache for me.

My heart yearns for the feeling of true nurturing love.

Why can't I be lifted and taken away from this emptiness by the good lord up above?

My beliefs in happiness have become so numb, I sometimes wish my time would just finally come!

As I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to sweep, the damaging debris from my heart.

For they have torn any faith in true love for me completely apart.

The moment that I let the slightest feeling of love seep in, that's when the poisonous effects will begin.

Mirroring the fortune of prohibited natural sin, I effortlessly withdraw rather than let love have any chance at a victorious win.

As the poison begins traveling through my veins, the love I feel in no way can over power the venom's excruciating pain!

While unable to cease the toxins overwhelming strain, I grievously give into my hearts damaging vain,


as I bid fairwell to love, yet... once again.

The Bitter Creation

The bitter creation

"Where has my motivation gone? 

I will not allow it to deprive me for too long..

I sometimes question the reason for my existence.

Natural needs of support only strengthen her condemn-ment, & her resistance.

The cold feeling of loneliness, as my heart continues its confusion & ail.

Will her perceptions of me always be hateful, bitter & stale?

Dwelling in the nightmare of a pest without a haven..

What have I done to create this abomination?

Do I really have to continue as the scorned, & condemned creation?

Since I can last remember, I have been nothing more than an allergic, unwanted member.  

The slightest desire of love, or anticipation,

 abides the moment I embrace unwanted, castigated rejection. 

Alone & empty, I will remain bold, & proceed to my own faithful destination."

How Does The Pain Go Away

How Does The Pain Go Away ?

No matter how hard I try, some days I only wish to demise

No matter what I say or do, they never seem to hear my cries

Never bother to look, or even ask why?

Why do you look so hallow, empty, forlorn, and so dry?

I walk this earth like a translucent ghostly figure that only the good natured can see

I sometimes wonder if they would even care if tragedy is what became of me

Sadly, at times, there are no means that can lift me up, & help my spirit shine

What will it take to find warmth in this freezing, cold, disintegrated heart of mine?

Alone, & bruised I will again find my inner warrior, & honor its faithful shrine

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From darkness to light
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