Poem of Lust

A Threshold To Let Go
(Written November 2012)

I freguently check my texts and emails in the hopes that he'll come back 

I've destroyed something precious, now he's gone, so I must face that fact

Catastrophic impulses certainly were not my natural intention

  

Hence the dynamics of foolish arrogance, I have shattered our ever so joyous connection

Why should he feel anything more than disgust for me now?

  

For my actions were far worse than the stumbles of an arrogant drunken clown

How my heart aches to affirm that the negligent behaviors portrayed are not customarily that of mine

Grievously, I am aware of the delusive desire to turn back the hands of time

So agonizing, survives the puncture that I have brought into my own existence

The vision of his heavenly" all " painfully compels the banishment of his beautiful essence

Acceptance, destined to be the only healer of my wounded components

Amidst, the tormenting embrace of these ever so heartbreaking moments

Poem of Grief

Loyal
Written Sept 2007

When a child is growing up, there is alot they dont have any control of.

Any pain and suffering that they endure, eventually is what they become made of.

In some cases people can be weak, they give up and lose sight, they forget about direction, and the most important values in life.

William contrary to this, stood focused and decided to fight back.

No matter what obstacles came into his life, he chose to stay on track.

People who knew William couldnt help but to want to get closer to him, because he had such a BeaUtifuL heart.

 He was loving, loyal, courageous, funny and so smart.

The love he had for his friends and family was SO intense!

He would give anything rather than see them go through any pain.

His friends and family were always the reason; the reason for his beiNg, his strength and his vain.

I myself love William and look up to him so much.

He was my guiedance, my friend, and my hero.

I never took for granted a moment that I spent with him because the advice he gave was always so right.

Then the day came that the our good Lord decided, that it was time to give him his gift; the gift of eternal life.

William is in a beautiful place right now looking down at all of us.

He is full of joy, happiness, and excitement, EAGER just to say what awaits all of us.

For now we must be strong for him and live our lives appreciatively with what yet remains.

He awaits us, and he is smiling down knowing that we will all be with him again.
I grievously convince myself that everything is going to be ok.

I am sure of this, only because I have his vigorous blood running through my veins.

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Poem of Despair

The Path of Wrath

written 2006

When does it end? This path I call wrath, for it is a journey filled with pain, anquish and sorrow.

I sometimes ask myself, "is life worth living?, Should I just end my tomorrow?"

As I walk this path I call wrath, I seem to see so many rivers of tears, and wonder if they will ever

 disappear through the years.

Every year that passes me by, as I walk a new valley, I see black roses that seem to shrivel into ashes as I pass them by.

There is constantly darkness that surrounds me, and I ask myself "why?"

Why does my soul continue to hurt and to cry?

As I walk this path I call wrath, these rivers of tears seem to be the most dreadful of all,

for these rivers are the only, that can truly make fall!

Every breath that I take is a second closer to loss, I then think "when again will this dreadful river of tears need to be crossed?"

I dread them so dear, for they have filled my heart soley with emptiness, blackness, and fear.

They have damaged my soul, and competence to withhold any happiness, and only to draw tears.

I have lost the ability to trust, and any happiness I seem to establish only turns into to dust.

When does it end? This path I call wrath? A journey that continues to make me dread what withholds me tomorrow.

God willing, with all the faith I can possibly borrow, maybe one day my heart will no longer be hollow.

The Poisonous Heart

The Poisonous Heart
(Written Feb 2009) 

Why does my life have to be such a
miserable mess??

I go through desperate measures just to feel the slightest embrace of happiness.

I sometimes wonder if it will ever be,

the day that someone could genuinely love, need, and ache for me.

My heart yearns for the feeling of true nurturing love.

Why can't I be lifted and taken away from this emptiness by the good lord up above?

My beliefs in happiness have become so numb, I sometimes wish my time would just finally come!

As I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to sweep, the damaging debris from my heart.

For they have torn any faith in true love for me completely apart.

The moment that I let the slightest feeling of love seep in, that's when the poisonous effects will begin.

Mirroring the fortune of prohibited natural sin, I effortlessly withdraw rather than let love have any chance at a victorious win.

As the poison begins traveling through my veins, the love I feel in no way can over power the venom's excruciating pain!

While unable to cease the toxins overwhelming strain, I grievously give into my hearts damaging vain,


as I bid fairwell to love, yet... once again.

The Bitter Creation

The bitter creation

"Where has my motivation gone? 

I will not allow it to deprive me for too long..

I sometimes question the reason for my existence.

Natural needs of support only strengthen her condemn-ment, & her resistance.

The cold feeling of loneliness, as my heart continues its confusion & ail.

Will her perceptions of me always be hateful, bitter & stale?

Dwelling in the nightmare of a pest without a haven..

What have I done to create this abomination?

Do I really have to continue as the scorned, & condemned creation?

Since I can last remember, I have been nothing more than an allergic, unwanted member.  

The slightest desire of love, or anticipation,

 abides the moment I embrace unwanted, castigated rejection. 

Alone & empty, I will remain bold, & proceed to my own faithful destination."

How Does The Pain Go Away

How Does The Pain Go Away ?

No matter how hard I try, some days I only wish to demise

No matter what I say or do, they never seem to hear my cries

Never bother to look, or even ask why?

Why do you look so hallow, empty, forlorn, and so dry?

I walk this earth like a translucent ghostly figure that only the good natured can see

I sometimes wonder if they would even care if tragedy is what became of me

Sadly, at times, there are no means that can lift me up, & help my spirit shine

What will it take to find warmth in this freezing, cold, disintegrated heart of mine?

Alone, & bruised I will again find my inner warrior, & honor its faithful shrine

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From darkness to light
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